Sawblade's speeches

What a weekend. Excitement, drama, tension, joy, fear, craziness, embarrassment, accomplishment, you name it, it was there. Except maybe sleep.

It started off with only getting 3 1/2 hours of sleep between Thursday night and Friday morning. If you care why, read on, if not just skip to the next paragraph! Thursday night, I knew that I had a math problem set, a drama test (which I was overly worried about), and an English assignment due. Well, after class finally ended at 6, I went to the Wesley dinner to listen to a Native American guest speaker in partial preparation for our trip. Then after that I ran across grounds over to Brandon Ave to practice for Hala's scene, then by 11 I finally started on my work. I left the library after I got my math done; when I got home I took a little break, watching some of "Conan" with da roomates. Then I went to get my drama notes and realized they were in my math folder, which I couldn't find. After turning my room upside down, I realized I must have left it in the library. So I ran back to Clemons in the middle of the night to see if the folder was there; fortunately for me it was; I would have been majorly screwed had I lost that! By the time I got back, it was about 3:30; at 4 I just said, "Screw it, I can't study this tonight. I'll just get up early!" And I actually managed to get up at 7:30-8:00ish to study for it.

Anyway, I ran all over the place friday turning stuff in. When I finally got done with class, I raced over to Barracks to find an engagement present for Bethany and Kirk; after I found one I liked, I raced back to Lambeth, then raced to pack up for my overnight retreat for LEAP. The LEAP retreat consisted of me, Andrew, Keelah, Alex, and Sarah...we went over to David's church to have some "solitude" so we could learn the script that had just been given to us. After a ton of miscues along the way (many on my part), we had our play developed. It's a pretty big mistake when you call someone else by your own character's name! My bad...at least I got it out of the way.

So this afternoon we came back to Wesley, and at 7 we went into the church. Well, first we couldn't find a key to unlock the main door (not that it mattered to us since we were already inside, but since we were having visitors the door needed to be able to be opened!). Maybe we just propped it open. Anyway, as the 8:00 curtain approached (well technically there's no curtain, but you know what I mean), I became more and more nervous. Anyway, when 8:00 hit, I thought, "Ok. It's official. I'm scared now." Especially since we learned the plot over the course of 24 hours and it was my first drama performance since high school. Two legitimate reasons, huh? I mean, I feel like I should've been less nervous since we're pretty loosey-goosey about the script; just get the point across in every line, don't worry about knowing the line word for word. Still, when I first walked up there, I had no idea what was going to happen.
And somehow, it all worked out. We all performed well, and we got several compliments from the audience. I think we all breathed a sigh of relief after the performance. I've really got to thank the Big Guy up there; I know that he helped me get through everything, especially the performance. AND HOW!! I think it's great that somehow, the 5 of us managed to put together this awesome show in two days; it is absolutely amazing. Brian heard the run-through we were doing. For many of the songs, I sing an octave down, and Andrew says I sound like a Broadway Baritone! Brian was wondering, "Eddie, where'd that voice come from?" Well, it's true, I don't look like I have a booming or very deep voice, but you do what you do. And apparently, singing deep is my role. Ok, works for me, since Alex is the tenor in the group. He's got a great voice, and I don't know how he can sing that high! And Andrew is so awesome on the guitar; I don't know how he managed to learn how to play all of the tunes so quickly. And Sarah and Keelah did an awesome job as well; they both had a tough task handling those solos (more than I can say for me anyway!) and nailed them!

So after the LEAP show, and then after talking to the youth audience a little afterwards, DV gave me a ride back to Lambeth so I could drop off all my stuff and get cleaned up and dressed for the engagement party. The party was great; I got to see some people who graduated last year that I hadn't seen in a long time (yeah Bru! yeah Missy! yeah Sarah!) Plus, I got plenty of pictures, as usual! I'm really happy for Kirk & Bethany. (Ok, well, I don't know Kirk all that well, but I'm still happy for the guy!) Still, I think it's really great that they have each other. :-)

So, finally, at 2 AM, Sunday, February 29 (whoo hoo, leap year!), I can finally take a few hours to relax. Yes, that is the time I am writing this, despite what the blogger's clock may say. IT'S WRONG I TELL YOU, WRONG! Yeah, I'm acting in Hala's scene on Monday, so I've got to re-adjust to the other script! I'm sorry I couldn't get to her party this weekend, but oh well, you do what you've got to do.

I think it'll be an exciting LEAP season. It'll be better if I can get over my stage fright, and learn Watershed better! And try to solidify my lines better too 'cause I hate stuttering up on stage. And maybe get my guitar fixed too. Oh well, I'll think about LEAP again after spring break. Gotta make it through one more week, and then many of us at the Wesley Foundation head for the west coast!

What a week. Two back-to-back meetings on Monday (woulda been 3 back to back but spring break meeting got canceled), accounting meeting on Tuesday, horn choir, CS take-home test, math problem set, drama test, LEAP practice, LEAP performance this weekend (where's the script by the way?), ad board meeting, Hala's scene meeting, trying to memorize lines, read Blake's poetry, get journal entry assignment done for english, wow! Too much to do in one week, even if we had 40 hour days... :-/

On the plus side, my Dreamtide CDs came in, and I think I may have my guitar in operation. The strings didn't work well so I restrung them with the new strings on my old guitar. It sounds decent..at least better than it did before. Although I realized that my fingers have gotten soft, and now I can't press down on the higher strings! Eek! I'm trying to learn to play the chords for "Blood Brothers" by Bruce Springsteen, 'cause Andrew wants me to play backup for him on that song for LEAP. I'd like to do it too, if I can get my fingers to toughen back up! Well, that's all for now; I got an uncountable number of things to do (ok, not that many, since that's infinite and then some).

For a while, I've been mad at myself for wallowing in my own trifles, saying that I should be thinking about and helping people out there with much bigger problems. Although we all know, it's one thing to say we need to do something and another to actually do it. Well, today, I feel that I really made a difference, even if it is a small difference.
Today, I got up at 7:15, probably the earliest I've been up (outside of pulling an all-nighter, literally) since the beginning of this semester. Why? Because I was being picked up at 8 to head over to First UMC; I was helping out with a program called Backyard Mission that I had heard about from Caroline. One of the coordinators of the group, Dave, gave me a ride over there, since I am "transportationally challenged".
All I knew when I walked out the door this morning was that the group was doing some sort of painting project. I didn't even know if I'd be much help, since I don't think I've ever done wall painting before (outside of, maybe, a little bit of scenery for SOTL). Although, it was quite a fascinating day.
A woman who had been living at the Salvation Army for some time was being moved in to a new apartment, and the place needed to be cleaned up and painted. I started off trying to help in the kitchen room, although the men working in there had a pretty good idea of what they were doing and I wasn't a whole lot of help to them.
So then I went into the room which is supposed to be her bedroom, and I found some use. The painting had just started, and the room needed to be painted the shade "barely blue". There were several others working in there, and we were only working on half of the room at the time (the bed was blocking the other half). Working together with the others in the room, we toiled with our paintbrushes to slab a coat of "barely blue" onto the wall, and then afterwards we reinforced that half of the room with a coat made by a roller. After lunch, our group slowly dissipated as people began to leave; by the end I spent a lot of time alone trying to paint the other half of the room. Eventually, when everyone else had left, Dave came in and helped me finish the other wall.
But what was fascinating about the day was talking to the woman who was moving into the apartment, Carol. She was a very friendly lady, and she reminded me of Mr. Asher, the man whose trailer we built a porch for on spring break last year (pardon my grammar). She loved to talk, and she loved telling us about herself. She works part at Giant, and part for the Salvation Army; she is trying to reform things and promote change, to make people more motivated and convince them to work more, and be less dependent. I admire her for that; she uses the mistakes she's made, her background, and herself as an example to try to motivate changes in others.
Carol was really touched that we came and helped today; she said that she wished that more people could be better Christians and help others more often. While I don't necessarily believe that you have to be a Christian to want to help others, I understood what she meant. She never thought possible that she would have the opportunity to live in a place with a blue-painted room, let alone have a comfortable living situation. She said several times during the day, "Miracles can come true...". Well, I don't know if it was that much of a miracle, but that's only coming from my point of view; I don't really understand where she's coming from. To her, it was; and that's what made today worthwhile, to be able to bring happiness into another person's life.
Carol was also touched that she knew that there were people my age out there (I know, I'm the big 2-0 now!) that were willing to help, rather than solely being infatuated with their own lives, living the stereotypical college student life of hangin', partying and drinking all the time. Well, I certainly can't say that I'm not one of the latter; I do tend to be solely concerned with my own happiness a lot. Especially last year, when I kept trying to embrace the party-a-holic attitude that so many people who lived nearby embraced. I can't say by any means that I am a virtuous person, and I know I'm not; still, it's nice to hear someone say that you've given them new hope.
This experience is not a magic wand; I know this experience isn't going to make my own issues disappear, and maybe I can't make them disappear. Still, it affirms my initial idea that I have a lot to be thankful for and there's a lot that I take for granted. I hope that I can learn to realize what I have rather than what I don't have.

My guitar came in today; it's a blue sunburst, which is originally what I wanted from my first guitar. It's the same type and size of guitar as my old one. And strangely, half of the strings work and half don't! But I don't see a bending problem like there is with my old one as a result of the broken neck. In fact, the 2 highest strings, I think they may have been made the same width. Although, since I had ordered new strings, maybe I can test those out with the new guitar, and maybe just maybe it'll work! (At least to some degree) :-P

I'm also ordering a cd from a group called Dreamtide, made up of several ex-Fair Warning members. I listened to a sample file of theirs and they sound pretty cool. Who knows...they could be the Fair Warning successors! Gotta love ebay!

Metaphysical thought of the day...

Don't you hate it when you're life feels like a living paradox or contradiction, and trying to analyze it just makes you go crazy? And every solution you can think of ultimately either leads back to the paradox or is a worse off solution? So I've decided on the universal solution: stop, don't think. Just do what John Cage does....take a moment. Try to see outside yourself.

Only when you can see outside yourself (which I'm not very good at, by the way) can you find the key to the endless maze within yourself. Maybe the key is out there....

Ah. February 15, the day after Valentine's Day (or as us singles call it, "Singles Awareness Day"). As I think back to all the Valentine's celebrations that people go through, buying goodies for their sweetheart (buying roses, or the cookies we made at the cookie bake :-) ), I regret that I don't have anyone to share in on the festivities with. No, I don't mean that I wish I had someone just so I could get in on the festivities that so many other people experience... It's just, well, it's hard not to feel lonely when it seems like all of your friends have that special someone. And also, you begin to question yourself when you haven't had a successful relationship since high school.
On the other hand, I guess in a way, being single is a bit of a blessing in disguise. Not having to run the risk of getting your heart broken (like I did to several of the Valentine's cookies, :-P), especially around the holiday, is always a plus. I feel really bad for all those people who got dumped the week before Valentine's. Now, I don't know these people personally, they are just friends of friends. Still, I know what it's like to get your heart broken by someone you really care about, and it's one of the worst feelings imaginable. Combining that with seeing your friends celebrating their relationships, I think, would just exacerbate your emotions 100 fold.
I know this may sound like it's just jealousy on my part, but that's not what I mean it to be. In fact, I'm not really sure what I mean. I guess, being single on Valentine's Day, you just begin to reflect, and you wonder if you've been a complete idiot to never act on your feelings. Then again, in certain situations, if you do act on your feelings, the whole thing can blow up in your face, and you run the risk of losing one of your best friends in the process.

I guess the only thing I can conclude is that I get really confused around the holidays, and I really have no conclusion. Still, I'm happy for all of my friends out there that do have "that special someone".

Well, it's February 14 so I should wish everybody a Happy Valentine's Day! I'm glad I managed to get up for it since I've been in hibernation for a while (well, sort of. Got up at 9:30 Thursday, worked/classes all day, then pulled a TOTAL all nighter at clemons, never came home, took a math test at 10 on Friday, turned in my English report at 12:30, last class at 3, then came home at 4 and finally just SLEPT.) So yeah, I guess I've been asleep for the last er....18 hours after being up for the previous 30! :)

Let me elaborate a bit more on what I was saying earlier today. Yeah, I know, entries should probably be longer than a paragraph or so, but I was in a hurry. Anyway, this cookie bake was certainly one for the books. On Friday night at 5, after class was over, I headed over to the Wesley Foundation and met all the hard-core cookie bakers as they dabbled in dough; naturally I joined in. My primary purpose was to transfer cookie cutouts to pans and get the pans to the oven. Although the oven became the slow step. All of us hard at work; me, DV, the Lisas, Caroline, Alex, Brian, Andrew, the G-man, Aaron, Kristen, Scott, Coley, April, and more! And who could forget all the random conversations we had. I really need to work on my speech, although "ordainment" sounds like it means "the act of being ordained". Oops.
Lisa, Caroline and I took a trip over to Little John's that night to get sandwiches for everyone. I hadn't been to Little John's for quite some time; the main reason I don't go very often is that they don't take the Corner Meal Plan. I know that sounds trifling, but when you're a poor college student you'll try to conserve "cash" however you can.
Saturday, after a day of "attempting" to catch up with schoolwork, I went back to the Foundation at about 8. Once again, hard at work. I kind of jumped all over the place on Saturday night. We had all the ovens fired up that night to do some baking, and I had never seen so many cookies clump together into strange quadrilateral and triangular figures. (Hence, the junkers.) For most of the night, I helped Caroline put the frosting (or decorations, or sugar-coating, or whatever you might call it) on the zillion cookies in the basement of the church. We had a classic rock station going...I really should listen to the Beatles more often. J-Dub came by and helped out a lot as well. And Brent was there for "moral support". (Or as DV says, to protect Caroline from me and J-Dub!) Nevertheless, we kicked butt!
It's hard to believe that over the 2 days we developed over 6500 cookies (plus however many defects we made). Thanks a million to everyone who was there!)
You know, I don't mention it very often, and I probably should more, but I love these people. I can't believe how many 4th years we have...Andrew, Brian, the Lisas, Caroline, Kristen, Rachel....geez, everyone's gonna be gone next year :-/ Although I guess that's why we've got to live it up for the next few months!
You know, I think I probably will do LEAP this semester. I guess DV talked me into it after he thought I did a good job singing when I did my best to sing "Burning Heart" by Fair Warning. Yes, the time of year did make me think of that song.

Great weekend. Our cookie bake at the Wesley Foundation resulted in about 550 dozen being made, so now we gotta ship 'em out! I'm glad I was able to help, although I wasn't nearly as hardcore as some other people (you know who you are, wink wink). Plus, my folks came up to visit me for my birthday and took me out to lunch. It was nice to see 'em, especially since I hadn't seen them for a while and probably won't see them again until at least April, if not later. Anyway, that's all; I'm between two classes so I should get going.