Sawblade's speeches

Question: One of the mottos I've embraced is "Don't let the weather stop you." Some people think that's pretty philosophical stuff...I don't think so. What do other people think?

This weekend was the beginning of tech weekend for SOTL. After the 5k, I spent most of Saturday helping out with various stuff at the SAB; putting platforms together, sanding the "to-be" trellis, a lot of painting (no, it's not a tattoo on my arm!), and of course, using the circ saw! I've discovered that our saw has gotten really sucky...it looks like the blade itself is getting dull and also curving off a little bit. And of course, it doesn't help when half the time, it can't get through the whole piece of wood! :-O

Sunday, LEAP performed at a methodist church that was nearly an hour and a half away. We couldn't do our "light bulb" stunt, but the performance went well; we had a good crowd and I thought they really enjoyed the show. The church sure could echo! Ironically, one person said that I had a good speaking voice. I thought I didn't speak all that well, but sang well. Go figure. Then after that, I rehearsed for Hala's play a bit more...Although we had an interesting problem there at 3 when we all met, as a Japanese puppet show stood between us and rehearsing! We rehearsed later that evening, and I think it's coming together. Which is good, because we perform in a week! :-)

I ran in the Run for Life 5K today...my time was roughly 23 1/2 minutes by my watch; I'm not sure what it was officially. Still, I think that's pretty impressive since I've only been running for 2 weeks and my last race was several years ago. I needed to run in something, at least! Although more importantly, it's nice to know that I'm helping a good cause; my family has been affected by cancer before, and I hope that this race can help in the battle to find a cure.
Brian, you're a great friend; thanks for waiting for me at the finish; it really meant a lot. And DV, you've gotta start running with me, man!

What an insane weekend. After 3 hours sleep on thursday night/friday morning (reason being to finish a report), then spending all morning revising it, I helped out with the last 2 hours of the day long potato drop at Wesley, where we bagged up something like 42000 lbs of potato over the course of the day! I don't know how I had any energy for it, but at least I was able to help out a little bit. Then we created an "assembly line" (ie one person passing a bag to the next person to the next person .... til finally loaded onto a truck), with J-dub yelling, "Hole in the sack!" every time we had a rip in one of the bags. What a scene. That night we had dinner on the town; we went to a burrito place on the corner. It was really neat, and they had a big screen TV in there to watch a b-ball game. We all talked about how our NCAA brackets were getting screwed up. After that, J-dub and I stopped by the Dwelling, but nobody home, so we eventually just left. I went over to the game room to hang with Scott and one of my two favorite Lisas for a bit, and then just came home around 10 and slept.

Saturday morning, I helped out with Backyard Mission with Lisa F. and Caroline. We got to go back to Carol's house, which was the place I helped out with last month. I'm glad to see that she's getting on her feet, and that she's got a job lined up for her. Our paint job from last month worked out pretty well; I'm happy to see that. Anyway, we did some painting (including some in hard-to-reach places that involved an extension ladder) for the morning, and then came back.

That afternoon, I went to the AFC, intent on jogging for 10 miles on the treadmill, trying to prepare for the big race. Although after 5, I got really woozy so I came back home. I checked the mail, and the post office had sent my race form back to me. By the way, this day was the deadline for turning in the forms. I had mailed it out earlier in the week priority mail, and they sent it back with a stamp on it that said "ALWAYS USE ZIP CODE". It had a zip code, both of my address and the destination address. After yelling WTF! for a while, being incredibly pissed off at the post office, I ran to Newcomb to buy an overnight delivery stamp. But mail isn't picked up on Saturdays at Newcomb, so I ran to a mailbox; it said last pickup is 4:00 on Saturday. It was 4:30. So then I ran to Barracks Road Post office; again, 4:00 pickup on Saturday. But it did say that there was a 6:00 pickup at the post office on Seminole Square. Now seeing as I have no idea how far out that is since I don't have a car, I just took off with the little amount of legs that I had left (remember, I had jogged 5 miles on a treadmill, and then gone from Lambeth to Newcomb to Barracks!). At about 5:30 I finally came to the post office and stuffed the overnight delivery package containing my form into their mailbox. And then I stumbled back home to Lambeth, my legs feeling like rocks at that point.

If you pay 4 bucks for a stamp for priority mail shipping, I expect results; have someone to actually look at where the letter's delivery address in case their address scanning machine (or whatever it is they use to find out where to send something) screws up, and at least attempt to deliver it!

It may be too late, and my form may not get accepted, but at least no one can ever tell me that I don't have the heart (at least spiritually) to be in this race. I may not be in good enough shape for it, but my drive is definitely there.

Sunday, my day began with a rehearsal for Hala's play, "Curse of the starving class". We had our rehearsal postponed twice; first time because the lead couldn't make it on Thursday, the second time because I couldn't make it on Saturday. And after that, I rushed home, grabbed my guitar and my script, and ran over to Andrew's to head over to Hinton (DV's church) for our second LEAP performance. We needed to do some touch-ups, not having looked at the script in several weeks. A lot of people from the Wesley Foundation came on a field trip to come see us perform; I was happy about that. The performance went pretty well; the scene with me and Sarah in it was a little "improv'd" but it worked out ok. We added a new stunt to the show...Alex at one point says "Light bulb!" 'cause he has an idea. Well, there was an overhead light bulb on the stage and we staged it so it came on right when he said that. The crowd got a kick out of it though. And Andrew is a musical genius, being able to remember how to play everything on the guitar after all this time.

Well, back to the grindstone, Sawblade...I've got CS work, a math test, a book to read, and a monologue to memorize this week, along with the usual stuff of everyday school life.

Recounting some events of our trip....

Wow. A week spent in Fort Yuma, CA; Yuma, AZ, and we even got to visit Mexico a few times. This was, for anyone who doesn't already know, the spring break for all of us at the Wesley Foundation. After a long 2 days of traveling from Charlottesville to the Arizona/California border, we all arrived at Quechan (pronounced koo-tsan, I believe) reservation in Fort Yuma. (By the way, thank you to the Barbieres for being hospitable to our group down near DC before our flight out west and after our flight back east.)

The night we arrived, we went to a pow-wow that was being held, involving a lot of tribal dance competitions to the beat of Indian drums. I wasn't really sure what to make of this event. I thought it looked really cool, and everyone that was dancing seemed to have a lot of fun. I'm not sure if I agree with the need to commercialize one's culture, although since there's a casino very close by a lot of tourists come by the area, I suppose it's a way for the Quechan to make money.

On Sunday, our group attended a service at the Fort Yuma Indian Church. It was quite a fascinating service, something I had never been part of. It felt a lot like a lot of mini-services in one. Apparently that's the Pentecostal style of a service? I don't know, although it was a methodist church! We sang a lot for the first half....Andrew had his guitar and our group sang a bunch of songs that we typically sing at Wesley. Afterwards, Frank, a lay preacher at the church, gave us some of the songs that are typically sung by their church and we sang them. Avis, an elderly woman who lives on the reservation, gave a very powerful and moving sermon.

During the service, we met her grandson, Seth, who lives with her. We discovered over the course of the week that he's had a tough life growing up; his mom has been arrested and he had an abusive dad. He's experienced things at 11 years old that a lot of us have never had to go through. He has a lot of really interesting insights, and he is able to pick up ideas quickly. He really enjoyed listening to all of us talking about our lives, and he did a very good job with our names. It really felt that he wanted to know why we justified everything we do, and how to live our lives in really specific situations. And he's creative too; Deborah says that he has the mind of a poet. At the same time, Seth's a really neat kid to hang around with. In some ways, he seems just like a normal kid. DV and I played basketball with him (well, sort of, we used the top of a trailer as a hoop and the ball was a giant rubber ball). I had Sonic the Hedgehog on my computer and he became semi-obsessed with playing it. For anyone on the trip, you know how he can try to annoy people by playing the "Why" game (asking why after anything you say!).

We also met Seth's sister, Shelby; she's four years old. She was also really fascinated by our lives, although she also had a chip on her shoulder and didn't have very much of an attention span (although I can't really blame her; I'm sure all 4-year olds do that!) A lot of times, she would be playing with her dog, Lucille, and she absolutely adored her. One time, she brought the dog up to me and Seth while he was playing Sonic, and she just wanted to watch. For the next few days, every time she would walk up to me, she would say, "Are you going to play the game now?" She really just wanted to watch. Although when I would start to load up the game something else would catch her attention. She also really enjoyed being pushed on the swingset outside, and we were all happy to both watch her swing, and swing ourselves. It's so awesome how riding on a swingset can make you feel like you're 10 years old again.

We interacted a lot with Seth and Shelby during the week, and some with Avis and Frank. Although overall, I was kind of disappointed; we didn't interact with other people on the reservation nearly as much as I thought we would. This is not to say that we didn't interact with anyone on the reservation. On Sunday, we went to a different church for a sing-a-long, which combined our songs from Wesley, as well as the songs from the Fort Yuma church, and some other songs that were in the Quechan language. Also, On Thursday night, Avis's family came together and they did several tribal dances for us inside the church, which was really interesting. Although a lot of our service projects didn't feel like it had anything to do with the reservation.

I should mention a little bit about the service projects we did down there. We split into different small groups each day, and we each went to different sites.
On Monday, the group I was in went to the local food bank in Yuma. We didn't do a whole lot; we re-stocked some conveyor-belt shelves with food products to prepare them for shipping, and after that we started to work on a large inventory of items which consisted primarily of Avon products. I know, strange, huh? Although, our supervisor, Alex (not our group director; a different Alex!), was really neat to talk to. I told him that I was thinking of studying CS. Alex was from Mexico and we weren't sure how much he knew about technology, so I explained what CS was. Although he knew a tremendous amount about computers; Aaron and I had a long talk with him about all kinds of technological stuff. It turns out that Alex can almost build a computer from scratch! He also talked about all the great deals he could hook us up with on computer parts....hehe...

Tuesday, a guest speaker, Sylvia, took us down near the border to Mexico. We visited an area of vast lettuce and broccoli farms, and we went out into the fields to see the kind of intense labor that goes on out there. It's pretty hard to describe in words what we all saw, but let's just say it makes me feel guilty about eating lettuce. (Broccoli, I can't stand it anyway.) Sylvia explained to us in Spanish (Alex, our director, translated for us) that the migrant workers that work in the fields are pushed to the bone every day in the desert heat; we didn't see how fast they really have to work because the bosses make them slow down whenever visitors approach. So we were encouraged to stick around for a while...yeah. Sylvia explained to us the process of how they package lettuce and broccoli, and afterwards the workers actually gave us a case of both lettuce and broccoli which we ate later that week. I couldn't believe what I saw, although I think I now have a much better understanding of the saying that "you don't really understand something until you see it for yourself". I also couldn't believe that one of the workers, when he discovered that we were college students, told us to study hard, as if he thought that it was us that had the difficult jobs. I mean, what we do here at college can be difficult, but I can't imagine working in those fields day after day! Anyway, when our tour was over, we split up; my small group took a short trip into Mexico (yay, I can finally say I got out of the country!) and then came back to San Luis to help fix up another church, doing some painting and cleaning-up work. That night, the whole group went out for ice cream, and the place had the most elaborate flavors! If you ordered something regular there, you weren't doing your job. Highlights of that night were doing some stargazing and watching Brian teach Seth some kung-fu. Seth really enjoyed it, although Brian had some difficulty trying to explain to him when the situation is right to actually use your skill to fight other people. It's tough, because I know that Seth can't always follow the motto of just trying to walk away; he's probably going to have to defend himself against other people.

Wednesday was our day off...it was a day of a combination of hiking and swimming. The place we went to was right near the Yuma "proving ground" (hmm...I suppose that explains the boom that we heard that day!) I went with the early group to go hiking, and the scenery all around us was absolutely gorgeous. (If you've obtained a copy of my pictures from the trip, you can see them for yourselves). I should mention that we attempted to climb up a hill that we probably shouldn't have, considering how many times we slipped on the way up! Although, I remembered how much I love to hike, and it's certainly different from hiking up in Maine (being that it's a desert scene, not a forest scene, and you have to make sure to drink a lot of water!). When we came back from our hike, I met other people in our group and I went hiking with them, wanting to go a second time. The second time around, I made sure to bring a lot more water! The lake was nice, although very cold to go into (although considering how hot it was outdoors, I guess the temperature contrast can explain part of it). After going in the lake for a while, I got out and played a little bit of volleyball with Lisa, Andrew, Aaron, Diane, ... I hope I'm not missing anyone! That was a lot of fun, although I did run into a tree branch while chasing after the ball once! Anyway.... that night we built a fire in the yard and made smores.

Thursday, my group stayed around the church, doing some improvement and maintenance work. Earlier in the week, some palm trees had been trimmed and groomed; we cleaned up some of the debris left in the yard. We also did some hammering to try to level and square a fence to the wall of a different building on the reservation, and then we "stucco'd" it. (It's some stuff used to smooth out and build a foundation and cover up cracks in buildings, etc.) Liz, you did a great job getting that stucco started! We also painted the building opposite the church...not an easy task, considering part of it had to be done using a ladder and a roller extension. It wasn't too bad of a day, other than Brian making the rest of the guys look bad by hogging all the ladies for himself! Nah, just kidding, man. :-)

Friday, my group went to Casa Moreno. Probably saved the best for last...we finished up digging a trench that other groups had been working on all week. Lisa puts it best, it's great to finish up the week with some tough manual labor! Although it must have been rough for the groups earlier in the week though, considering there was a giant cactus in the way then! I'm not exactly sure how the cactus got uprooted; I think a pickup truck was used or something like that. I would write more about Friday, but at this point my fingers are really getting tired.

So on Saturday, we began the long drive back to Long Beach to take our flight back to DC. We stopped by the beach in California and got to see the Pacific Ocean, and John and I had a bit of a "camera-happy" afternoon with all of us on the beach. Again, a bunch of us played volleyball, and a lot more people joined in. It was certainly easier to play volleyball on the sands of the Pacific ocean than the rocky floor of the lake we were at on Wednesday. And when we got to the airport, we watched Maryland's huge comeback over NC State in the ACC semifinals. I'm no Terp fan, but hey, Maryland beat Duke in the championship game; I'm not complaining! Although I'm a bit confused about the airport security in Long Beach, because I had bought a circular saw blade in Mexico (and I bet you can guess why!) Anyway...when I got to the airport, I asked the person if I needed to declare it, and she said, "Nah, that's ok!" Now granted it was checked baggage obviously, but still, kinda strange....

The week was not at all what I expected; I was expecting something more like the Red Bird trip was like last year. It didn't feel like we got all that much accomplished (at least compared to last year), but I guess an important thing to note is that the trip was more of a growing experience for all of us rather than just an aim to help people and make them happy. I've had a void within myself for a while, and I've kept asking what the answer to 'the' question is. I don't really know if that statement will make sense to a lot of other people, but that's ok. I was hoping that this trip would help me figure out the answer. In the end, I doubt that I've found it. In fact, I think the only thing relating to the question is that the answer cannot be found in one place, rather it is a continual process of discovering the answer for oneself.
I think the biggest thing I learned from the trip was just realizing how lucky I am to have such great friends at Wesley; John, Lisa, Lisa, DV, Brian, April, Caroline, Bethany, the G-man, Deborah, Andrew, Kristen, Aaron, Liz, Alex, Scott, Keelah, Joel, plus Rachel and the Coley that weren't on the trip. Plus it was neat to get to know some new faces like Leigha and Diane.

That's really all I can write at this point. I'll probably say more about the trip another time, but I have a class to get to right now.

May we all be joined together by the common path that unites us, wherever that may lead. May the Lord watch over us all during the mission trip.

You know, one of the methods I've been using to stay awake is to take my MP3 player with me wherever I go, and one of the songs I've been hooked on is called "What you believe in" by Dreamtide. The lyrics speak to me...part of the track goes, "Do you walk the extra mile / No you locked up your dreams / in the fairyland / You do make me smile". I've been getting some beef lately about why it is that I always work so much and never seem to have a moment that's not occupied. Well, I think these lyrics kind of explain it. I don't want to be someone who keeps my dreams as nothing but a fantasy. I realize that some of the things I wish for can never come true, regardless of anything I do. But I do believe that I have control of my own destiny. And that's why I keep going...that's why I know I can't quit, even though it's tough.

I think when I try to slow down and just reflect, so much of what I realize is that I have so much that I remember that I can only regret. When I slow down and think about the past, so many times do I think about all of my failed and missed opportunities, along with great ideas that I never went for, and great ideas that I tried but didn't come close to panning out. I wish it wasn't so that my own reflection brings so much regret, but a lot of times just feels that way.

Last year at beach week, a member of SOTL, Jason, told me that the only true waste of time is regret. I think it's a really solid statement; regret truly is a waste. Simply dwelling on past mistakes does no good for you, nor does it actually accomplish anything. So that's why I feel that I have to stay in my own driver's seat. And yet, I do so many things to try to better my own self, but I don't do enough to try to better others', and I don't really know what to make of this. Do you have to be content with yourself to try to bring happiness to others? Or do you have to find your own self-worth first? I can capture happiness for only a moment, and then it dissipates. I guess it comes back to the universal question of what is true happiness. Now, I suppose you could make the argument that I work so hard in school so that I can get a good job down the line and make a lot of money. Ok, that might be nice, but I know that money certainly isn't the road to happiness. Granted, it's nice to have a few bucks to buy something off eBay every once in a while after a paycheck comes in, but it's only a temporary ingratiation.

What I believe in is that there are many things beyond my control, but there still are other things that are within my own control, should I be willing to grasp them. The truth and happiness are out there, and I intend to find them even if the road to it is a rocky one.

But I can thank all the awesome people of the Wesley Foundation for helping me with this journey! Some of my happiest moments while I've been at UVA have been there. This may be my final entry before I travel with everyone down to Fort Yuma, so I hope that the trip will help not just me, but all of us, discover the path.